This is my story about coming into the world feeling unloved and unwanted. Raised by an alcoholic father and a cold detached mother, I had to make my way in the world based solely on my instincts. My childhood would not include piano lessons, tap dancing and Girl Scouts. I would start working at nine years old. A good student and lover of literature, I aspired to be a teacher. That path was not made available to me. Instead, my parents expected me to remain at home and provide them with additional income. I felt trapped. My escape routes through the years included men, alcohol and drugs. A victim of childhood abuse, sexual harrassment and physical assault, I learned to accept the unacceptable in order to survive. A major pattern of self-destructive choices began to emerge. A significant portion of my life was spent uncovering, forgiving, and trying to resolve that pattern. I had decades to live before I would comprehend the predestination of my journey. Set against the background of Scranton Pennsylvania and West Palm Beach Florida, included are numerous historical facts about both areas. There are stories of the gangsters in our town, specifically soldiers connected to the Buffalino family. There are details about highly publicized murders, famous politicians and business kingpins. My story is told against the backdrop of the chauvinistic culture of that time. Revealing what it was like mistakenly thinking women might get ahead because of the Women’s Liberation Movement. The reality of my world was sexual objectification and condescension.

After four decades of self-detrimental behavior, three divorces, psychoanalytic treatment, stopovers at inpatient facilities, counseling and 12 Step programs, I finally found a little happiness. What I didn’t find was joy. Sobriety had revealed that I was still emotionally numb. The trauma of my life still lurked in the shadows of my psyche. Polish psychologist Dr. Kazimierz Dabrowski realized that the common nature / nurture debate was missing something. It had overlooked the role that we play in our own development. He called this ‘The Third Factor.’ The will to keep living life no matter what it might generate. The intention of writing the bare unadorned truth of my life is to be an example to women that are being abused in any way. I want to reveal to other marginalized women to never give up. My goal is to ignite the desire to live and grow in others. You can weather post-traumatic stress and psychological issues if you have the Third Factor.